Coffee Please!

P1-“Flaps at Zero”

P2-“After Take-off checklist, please”

And while we were reading the checklist, the speakers blared:

CA-“Climb Flight Level 250, passing Flight Level 200 turn left Heading 090″

P1- “Roger, up to two-five, outta two-hundred to the left due East” retorted the pilot to my left.

Ah yes, it’s another showoff on the left seat and I was called to bear witness to his demise and fill the right seat in the simulator.

The simulator is a room on stilts, that sways and moves trying to fool us into believing it is the real thing, it has all the switches and buttons of a real cockpit, it even has speakers and screens to imitate the outside world. When you think about it, it’s just a 10-million-dollar computer game.

It’s a game because if you crash the machine into a virtual mountain or fall out of the sky, your face turns yellow and you shy away from your colleagues’ eyes. The Check-Airman (CA) resets, and if you are lucky, you get another go.

A computer game that can, nonetheless, start or end many careers, one such career was the guy on the left seat and judging by the way he was handling his radio transmissions and his checklists, he just wasn’t going to make the cut.Trying to break the ice, he pressed the call button that replicates what we use in an airplane to call the Flight Attendants. The CA, assuming he was intending to brief the cabin crew about something, simulated a door entry of a cabin crew member.

“Coffee, Please!” said P1 looking straight into the eyes of the CA.

The audacity shocked me but you should have seen the CA. Trying to be cheeky in a simulator has a track record of failing and this guy was a walking guide of how to not get hired.

Again and again he managed to piss off his interviewer – for that’s what this was, a practical interview – until it was evident, especially knowing this CA, that this guy will not get the phone call anytime soon.

“I’ll fill up the paperwork and HR will email you everything, thanks for showing up” the CA managed to breath out while shaking the hand of the P1. “Nice to see you again” he said addressing me, P2. “See you on the the line!” I said, to no-one in particular.

I wasn’t expecting P1 to really make it to the line, at least not in this airline, nor was I sincerely looking forward to see the CA really soon.

Peace, Out!

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